Sleep is pointless; it doesn’t make me feel rested anymore. I might as well stay up and waste time on the computer since I’ll feel exhausted either way.
Questions, queries, posers?
I have PTSD that defines my world more than I'm willing to accept. I have a beautiful baby girl and another baby on the way in September and they're my life. Want to know anything else, just ask.
bell hooks, Feminist Theory: From margin to center (via orindamoraga)
DING DING DING DING DING
I keep saying this, nobody believes me…
So much depression lately… so much that won’t go right. It doesn’t help that I’m a hormonal mess from pregnancy again and my main support is gone for another who knows long. Being a mom is hard too, not because it’s difficult to care for a baby really, but because everyone has their own ideas of how you should do it and god forbid you can’t do it their way. I’m just at the point that I’ll care for my princess the way that I know is right that I can do and let go of the guilt from not being able to be a perfect mommy. I’ll never be a perfect mommy. There are gonna be so many days like the past few days that I’m too depressed to do much more than the minimum to care for her and myself. She loves those days even though I feel like shit about them. She gets snuggled to her heart’s content and her sweet baby talk makes me smile when nothing else can. I’m not gonna be able to go to all of the play dates and classes that could let her grow more, but I can have friends over so she still interacts with other babies and teach her to keep a beat on her toy drum.
I guess parenting is just another learning experience after all… It’s worse than school, because there’s no textbook to tell you everything, but still the most rewarding adventure I’ve ever undertaken.
Now if only I could get rid of this fear that adding a second baby to this mess I call my life is the worst idea hubs and I have ever had….
I think it’s a bad thing that I’ve finally learned the difference between my anxiety attacks and my panic attacks. That means I have way too many of them in my book. :/
But hey, I love having an amazing service dog who knows when I’m having trouble and knows how to help me through it! Hades is the bomb doggy! I have to post a nice picture of him now. :D